I'm a Designer

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Click here to read "Shard" also set in this world.

Click on the picture below to read another thing set in the same world. "Really big TV"

Click here for Moving North

spleenal in wonderland

spleenal in wonderland, originally uploaded by spleenal.blogspot.com.

What a ball ache.
I uploaded this to youtube and the thing was dead jumpy and in cut the start and end off. Is that 'cause It's quicktime and they don't wnat to play with quicktime?
So then I upload it to Flickr, but that cuts the end off be cause it was over 90 seconds!
So I had to speed it up a bit more than I would have liked. As it is I just squeaked it.

So watch this with your finger hovering over the pause button.

I uploaded it to vimeo to0 see if it would be better. The colours are all whack on that version and it's a bit jumpy too.

World B

part 2
The God fish addendum

The story of what happened on board the “Northern Hope” in the hours that followed the arrival of the god fish, is initially one of survival for the three females on board.
The two kitchen staff and engineer survived only by pretending to see what the males thought they were seeing.
All the time waiting for rescue from the coast guard.
The arrival of the coast guard, however, only served to make a very bad situation worse. As they were almost exclusively male and heavily armed.
If it weren’t for the fact that it is now a requirement for all coast guard vessels to have a female officer on board, to deal with female searches, the God fish may have been brought to a crowed port then.

Private Bes Mack displayed great courage and valour despite only being with the service for a year. Circumstance conspired against her, in such a way, as to force her to kill all her crewmates.

It is unsurprising then that she remains on medical leave to this day…

It is a tragedy that all of private Macks efforts were ultimately in vain.

The creature was successfully taken to an isolated military base fully re-staffed with females. Security was high. Seemingly every precaution had been taken, but it proved impossible to protect against Victoria Reed.

Victoria Reed had been raised by her father, after her mother had died when she was six. Having no extended family Victoria felt she had no one to talk to when, as she grew up, she failed to grow any pubic hair or start menstruating.

The proto- human is female.
All foetuses start as female. It’s the effect of testosterone on the development of the foetus that changes 51% of babies into males.

Victoria Reed was male.
She had a Y chromosome.
And an immunity to testosterone.
Testosterone is responsible for the growth of pubic hair, even in females, and Victoria didn’t menstruate because she didn’t have a uterus. She never knew any of this, all she did know was that when she looked upon the God fish she saw the face of God.

And it told her to show the world....

World B

The God fish

So what have you been told?
Nothing.
Good. What have you observed?
Erm, well apart from all the security, and the way we seem to be miles from anywhere. Every one's female. Even the ones with the guns.

Yes men can't be here.

Six months ago somewhere in the north sea an oil barge found something rather odd. A diver surfaced with a strange fish that caught his eye.
Sorry, what's an "oil barge?"
It's a boat that searches the sea floor for oil. It stays out in the sea all the time, crew and supplies are brought to it by helicopters, those big sea king things that the coast guard uses.
Anyway this diver, a man called Carl Barus, brought the fish on board saying it was an angel.
An Angel?
Yes he was hallucinating. This was a little outside the expertise of the on board medic. So he called shore for an evac. While he was on the radio to the coast guard he said that the fish had "grown quickly", and described it as being like nothing he had ever seen before. There was a short silence, and the medic then said over the radio that Barus was wrong, that it was not an Angel. It was God.
God?
There is a rare form of Frontal lobe epilepsy in which sufferers can experience religious visions. We know very little about the workings of the frontal lobes, and it's only when something goes wrong with them that get clues as to what they do. Atheists think that many of us believe in a God because of this area of the brain, that has been highlighted by rare epileptics. True believers argue that this area of the brain, that is unique in humans, is there for us to talk to God. A telephone in our heads if you will.
Anyway the coast guard went out to the barge to pick up Barus and the medic. but by the time They got there a small holy war had broken out on board. Many believed the fish to be God, some thought it was Jesus, or an Angel.
Others thought it was Allah and two believed it to be the Buddha.

Is this real?
Oh yes. A lot of people died out there. They used flair guns, wielding torches, fire axes, hammers anything they could get their hands on. For some reason Those who saw one thing found it unacceptable that others may see something different.
So why is everyone here female?
Only men are affected. It seems that the creature has telepathic abilities. It maybe the way it communicates with others of it's kind. Male and female brains are different. Thankfully different enough so that women can't "hear" it.
I do feel something though
Yes a lot of us get a sort of vibrating, buzzing sensation in our heads. Like the radio's not tuned in or something.
Wait. This thing, whatever it is, is telling everyone it's god?
No it's an alien, whatever it's saying it's saying in a alien language, but the only thing that can hear it is the part of the brain in men that deals with religion, and that's over riding any underlying message. It could be saying "I'm hungry." or "Take me to your leader." or "Put me back in the water." all men see however is the face of their God.

Either that, or it's insane and really does think it's God.
I hadn't thought of that.
Where do you think it came from?
It's alien. That's all we know. It has a triple helix. They may have been down there for weeks or they may have been down there for a million years we still don't know.
They?
Yes Barus did say that he saw thousands down there.

Click for part two

Next Gen "Hot Housing" Top Trumps!

Your kids will love these!
Educational and fun


Click a set to see all the others. There's loads!

I've just noticed I've spelt Einstein wrong!
That'll be worth loads in the future!

Wave Theory.

Or The common ground to be found between Quantum mechanics, and greek Philosophy.

“Alright spleenal mate how you doin?” Zeno smiled broadly as he opened the door.
“Aw you know,” I replied, as I stepped into the hall. “I still keep on keeping on”
“I read your blog the other day.” Zeno said over his shoulder as he walked through into the living room “You’re one funny fucker.”
“Er, Thanks.”

“Here drink this.” Zeno pressed an ice-cold beer into my hand, where it came from I’ll never know “I’m on gears of war at the mo, you want to drop in?”
“Yeah sure.” I said. I was there for beer and games. That’s what Zeno was for.
Zeno sat in his chair. The lazy boy recliner handed me a controller and pointed at the screen. “Right that’s you there. The most important thing in this thing is cover. If you tap your “A” button when you’re near…”
“I know. I know what I’m doing I got it at home.” I quickly interrupted. It wasn’t often that I was able to say, “I know what I’m doing.” So I’m usually quick off the mark when the opportunity arises.
Zeno threw up his huge hands. “Shit man you should have said we could have gone on line together!”
“I’ve only got a silver account.” I confessed.
“Oh.” Said Zeno, in much the same way people do when you confess to them an embarrassing secret.
“You can get that thing off for a start Zeno. Holby city is on soon!” It was Zeno’s wife Kate, looming large (despite her thin body) in the doorway.

"thin Kate"

Zeno smiled broadly, his teeth appearing extra white against his dark stubble. “Spleenal doesn’t want to watch that shit do you?”
I was on the spot. A pawn in the game they called a marriage. Physically they couldn’t be more different. She was tall, thin, and athletic. Quite the MILF if the truth were known. He was a big man. He ate and drank too much, seldom shaved. His most attractive quality was his arrogance. Mentally though they were both the same. “Er.” I said.

Kate blew “Instead of pissing your life away fighting aliens or whatever the fuck those things are get off your fat ass and get a job!”

Zeno was unfazed. “It’s eight at night bitch! Where the hell am I supposed to get a job at eight at night?”

“Duh! Internet dummy,” retorted his wife. “Monster.com. Go on get out of that chair and go get a life”
Zeno sat back in the chair. “Can’t I’ll never make it.”


“Don’t fucking start with your fucked up paradoxes Zeno I’m warning you!” Kate shouted.

If Zeno was afraid of her he hid it well. “How far away is that pc?”
“I’m not playing.” Kate said and folded her arms in that way my wife so often does.
“It’s about six meters isn’t it.” Zeno continued.
“Holby city is on in four minutes.” Said Kate, trying not to be drawn into another one of Zeno’s word games.
Zeno continued as if he’d been asked to. “But before I travel the full six meters I must travel the first three meters. Because any distance can be halved”
“You make me sick you know that don’t you.” The hands went to the hips.
“But to get to three meters I must first travel one point five meters, but before I get there must travel 75cm, but that too can be halved, as can 37.5 cm…”
“Holby is on in 3 and a half minuets.” Kate interrupted.
Zeno continued like a tank might continue through a house “1875mm can also be divided by two. As can any distance. There are an infinite number of distances from here to the pc. And as you know infinite is without end. Which means I’ll never arrive at the pc.” Zeno was triumphant.
Kate was pissed off. “You really are thick aren’t you. Just because a distance is measured by numeric system, it doesn’t automatically follow that whist a number can be halved infinitely the distance it measures can. Thicko!”

Zeno raised an eyebrow. “You are of course referring to Planck length”
“What’s Planck length?” I asked
“Ten to the power of minus 20 times the diameter of a proton” Zeno answered
His Wife then raised her little finger at her husband. “When erect.”
I was still none the wiser “I’m still none the wiser” I said
“It’s the smallest distance. There’s nothing smaller.” Said Kate in language I could understand. “It can’t be divided.”
“Oh.”

Zeno wasn’t about give up though. “Right ok, scrub that. Getting to the pc will also take a period of time. That period of time can be divided…”
Kate verbally dived on him. “Don’t even go there, you stupid bastard. What about Planck time?”
It seemed as though she had him. Although where exactly, escaped me. Zeno however had an ace up his sleeve. “Ha, ha, you fell into my trap bitch!” he pointed at his wife. “If space-time is not infinitely divisible, and therefore not perfectly continuous, it must be a series of discrete moments. A string of ”nows” if you will.”
“Oh we’re back on the “nows” again are we?” Kate’s arms went back to being folded. “Yes I’ll buy that time is a series of nows, but they are far from being fully separate and distinct.”
I was lost again. “I’m lost” I said.
Zeno turned to me. “If time is a series of nows. Much like the frames on a reel of film each moment is a frozen moment. There is no movement in the first frame of film or any. Motion is an illusion. That’s why I can’t “move” to the pc.”
“Well yeah that goes without saying.” I rolled my eyes.
“Your film analogy’s shit.” Kate retorted. “Times “nows” are more akin to the molecules in a wave, separate yes, but not as discrete as you would have them.”
“Eh?” I was lost again.

For the first time Kate turned and looked at me. “Picture a sea. The waves coming into the shore. The waves come in towards you, yet those in the sea simply bob up and down. That’s because the water molecules aren’t moving forward.”
“Aren’t they?” I really should have listened more in school.
Zeno continued for his wife. “No they only go up and down. It’s only the energy in the wave that moves forward, passed on to the next water molecule, and the next. My wife is trying to say that time may act like a wave. The energy, for want of a better word, passed from one “now” to the next. And I think she may be right. That would mean that we exist as a string of static selves each passing on what to do, and who to be to the next like the baton in a relay race. That would mean that as we move through time we leave behind us an endless line of static selves frozen in each moment for all eternity” he postulated.
Kate raised an eyebrow. “Or?”
“Or what?” Zeno asked.

“Stay with the wave analogy.” Kate instructed.
“Frozen for eternity, or, or,” he clicked his fingers. “Or static until the next wave! Ha, Ha!” he seemed delighted.
“That’s a good thing is it?” I asked.
“Good? It’s brilliant! It gives you alternative realities running in sequence, not parallel!”

Kate smiled. “So you’re wrong then?”
Zeno smiled. “Yes, and I like it.”

“Why.” I asked.
Zeno didn’t take his eyes off his wife to answer me. “A true died in the wool thinker will be pleased whether his theory is proved or disproved as it all adds it the furtherment of knowledge.”
“All Greek philosophy is, is an exercise in proving that, what is plainly true is in fact false.” Goaded Kate. “That up is down that black is white. It’s meaningless.”
“This coming from a quantum Physicist!” Zeno exclaimed.
“Next you may argue that it is the moon that shines bright and goodly, not the sun.” said Kate.
“Careful.” Grinned Zeno.
My expression asked what was happening. Kate turned to me and said. “He likes the taming of the shrew.”
“One of these days I’ll tame you wife.” Zeno was looking at said wife as a tiger might look upon a goat..

Kate fixed her stare on her husband. “He’s fond of the misogynistic overtones.” She licked her lips. “Then God be bless’d, it is the blessed sun. But sun it is not when you say it is not, And the moon changes even as your mind.” She quoted.

“Come here wench!” Zeno growled. Grabbed his wife and threw her over his shoulder. He span round to face me. And I saw that his wife had no underwear on. “I’m going to take her upstairs for an attitude adjustment.” He said. Span back around and went out the door. Accidentally banging his wife’s head on the doorframe as went out.
“Ow’ you fat fuck, watch my head!” and then they were gone.
“Er, sh-shall I go then? I’ll go then.” I said.

"Zeno drinks stella when working on philosophy. kronenbourg is best for Quantum therory."

Another girl in a coat

I've got her in the palm of my hand.

Just time for one last thing before my job takes me from you for a week.
look a cool parker!
Click the pic to see more poses

nice big house

aw, I know, just the one today. I've got more for you tomorrow, But I felt that this warranted its own space.

A statement of intent

click pic for two more versions

RoBoTisH

It turned out to be a robot type thing.
I believe the correct term would be landmate.
I think it looks like ed209 from robocop. Which is no bad thing.

I'm pleased with the guns. That's a Iris vectoring nozzle on the end of each one. Oh yes you heard. Iris vectoring.

Old stuff

oh dear. 10 days without a post.
Well I am a little busy at the moment. So here is something from before I had a blog

A proper close look at Vertex

my favorite bit's the switch. Very pleased with that bit.

Iron bot number 5

click image for bigger picture

No I havn't done iron bots 1 to 4.

Old photo found

Only Known photograph of the "Ecranopan" walker. Taken by l.Q.Omoore in 1903. All other photographs were dissappeared by the 1909 great inversion. Omoore herself failed to retain memories of the event.

UH OH it's the Bozkat!

Uh oh the Bozkat is back in the office! Yeah sure he is a big soft pussy cat..... 10% of the time....



But there is another side to this character. Yikes! How angry is that!?! I can't talk to him when he's like that. Could you?



These images where created using 3D studio max, and Brice. With a touch of lightwave for, well you know. the lighting.

Honest. You believe me don't you.

I don't need to tell you to click on the homemade label to see the rest of the family.