Monday, January 18, 2010

How the raspberry responsible is for every life ever lost in every war.

It’s 12000bc! And the human race has, up until now been no more than a bunch of hunter-gatherer tribes, following animal migration patters.

One man changes everything. Smag, son of stug invents agriculture.

Smag realises that if he takes the seed from a berry plant they like to eat, and plants that seed near one of the caves on the migration path then before long there is a similar plant growing right outside this cave growing the same berries.

He plants in large numbers.

He can stay in one place. No longer does he need to sleep in caves or under animal skins. He can build a house. The world’s first house.

At first Smag’s wife seems pleased, but it isn’t long before she starts to make comments about it being a bit dark inside. “What do you expect!?” Asks Smag. “Windows haven’t been invented!”

He is the first to lay claim to a piece of land, For the first time in history it is possible to own more than you can carry on your back. Smag’s wife likes this, but it isn’t long before she’s expressing a wish to own more. “Maybe if you were on more money.”

I don’t think it’s been invented yet has it?!” Protested Smag.

All the same, it’s a good set up. So he is killed for it.

Blag has become the first human to kill for the ownership of a piece of land. He’s worried about someone doing the same to him, so he puts a fence up around his land. Blags bit of land is the first country.

This new way of life takes off and, everybody starts doing it. Starts owning more things than they can carry.

For the first time in history life expectancy drops, due to the stress of working in the field and protecting increasingly large areas of land.

The flatter bits of land made up from more soil and less rocks are better than the other bits of land. So the groups with crap land gang up on the groups with the nice land. Man's enemy becomes man.

It’s the dawn of war.

Thanks for that Smag son of stug.

1 comment:

michael said...

Great great great! Really loved this one, Spleenal.

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