Where I Vent My Spleen

Weak as I am. Part 1

2012-01-25T11:58:00.001Z

Drew this on the bus! Boom!

Prometheus Christmas

2011-12-23T23:37:00.001Z

let's go get a coffee 2

2011-12-21T10:37:00.000Z

Let's go get coffee one was all the way back here.

Smithy

2011-12-19T21:01:00.000Z

Smithy says "Stay down".

My studio

2011-12-19T12:22:00.001Z

Hey look! Here's my studio! Over on Where they draw!

Cold?

2011-12-18T17:18:00.003Z

I went to the Canny Comic Con!

2011-12-12T00:05:00.001Z

Oh yes, I went to the Canny Comic Con, and now I'm a millionaire so fuck the lot of you!
Well I say "millionaire" what I really mean is I made back the bus fair. So please stick with me.

The Canny Comic mail had asked if I wanted a table, but having a table sounded like a thing I'd be responsible for so I was thinking no, but I did have a bunch of old comics and one awesome not old graphic novel to pedal. So I was all like "Hummm, er... Yes alright".

The event it's self was based in the swank new(ish) Newcastle library. Out of the blue a guy called Alex invited me back on the 30th of September so this table represents more than two months preparation on my behalf.

And here's a picture of the view from my table.

I've blanked out that guys eyes there on the above picture just in case he's not meant to be there. "You lied to me! I thought you were having an affair and then I have to see pictures of you on the Internet at a comic convention!"

The best bit for me was the "Putting comedy in comics" panel where I was invited to chat on stage about being funny in comics. I thought I'd be all nervous and that but I found I thought I was pretty good at pretending I had a clue what I was doing.

Here's a pic of me that I ripped off Andrew Waugh's blog. He's the chat show host on the left. Next to him is him off of the Viz Steve Donald. Next to him there's Al Ewing. A writer for 2000ad! I'm the one with no hair and the young good looking one on the right is Graham Pearce.

If you weren't there I won.

The Canny comic con

2011-12-09T15:52:00.001Z

Oh yes, I'll be at the Canny comic con on Saturday.

Should have really said something sooner shouldn't I.

I'll be trying to sell some old comics of mine, so go there, buy some.

Canny comic con blog

Jeremy Clarkson

2011-12-01T23:44:00.001Z

It would be funny if Jeremy Clarkson's bin never got emptied ever again.

Super

2011-11-30T00:32:00.001Z

hey look! It looks like a smiley face!

2011-11-29T21:42:00.001Z

Humm

2011-11-27T17:26:00.001Z

To the bar!!!

2011-11-16T10:29:00.001Z

Things are very different, these days, in the house of commons bar. 

Gas.................and electric

2011-11-01T20:52:00.001Z

Government back genetic research and large scale public art

2011-10-31T22:12:00.001Z

The age of austerity

2011-10-30T22:12:00.001Z

To the bar! 2

2011-10-29T22:19:00.001+01:00

To the bar! 1

2011-10-28T23:44:00.000+01:00

"I'm a millionaire but I'm not a multimillionaire,

so when I'm in a cabinet meeting, I feel working class!"

23 out of the 29 members of the cabinet are millionaires.

Parenting

2011-10-28T21:52:00.003+01:00

Original

2011-10-27T21:23:00.000+01:00

Career

2011-10-27T21:16:00.000+01:00

Smart

2011-10-27T07:39:00.000+01:00

I fail

2011-10-25T12:19:00.000+01:00

Click on the pics to make them go bigger.

So the i newspaper recently started a competition to find some new new cartoonists.
These were my attempts at the landscape. Section of the competition.
The shortlist for the winner of which is in todays paper.

I'm not one of them. :(

More on this tomorrow if I'm not too sad.

Quantitative easing is bullshit

2011-10-20T23:39:00.001+01:00

So I've heard this term quantitative easing bandied around.

It's that thing where the government prints a load of extra cash so there's more money floating round in the system and that'll fix stuff.
"Cool." I thought. "That's that sorted."

It was done before. Gordon Brown started in 2009, and... and... what happened last time?
Did it make things better?
Naw.
Less worse than they would have been? I dunno.
200 billion quid so far.
There's an extra £200 billion in the system is there? Where?
£200 000 000 000?
The population of this country is a bit more than 60 million
2 billion divided by 60 million is 3333.33
£3333.33 each for every man woman and child in the country.
Rounding down loads, that's 12 grand for a family of four.

So people didn't get it. I would have noticed an extra 12 grand in the house.
(Unless the wife cashed the cheque without telling me.)

It goes to the banks doesn't it... Sweet.

We know now that money is lighter than air. trickle down economics doesn't work.
There's two sorts of money. There's up there money, and down here money.
Down here money is earnt and spent by us.
Up there money is the stuff bankers and traders throw around like confetti.
They throw it back and forth between each other.
It goes on big salaries and big in bonuses, that kind of thing. (Maybe a local builder might get some of it if a banker gets his driveway block paved)

Now the government is going to quantitativly (?) ease a further £75 000 000 000 at the banks?
Or you could give every man woman and child in the country £1250.

Down here money that wouldn't be thrown around the world in deals and trades up there.
It would be spent down here on the street in shops.

Ladder

2011-10-19T22:36:00.001+01:00

Plan J

2011-10-19T21:25:00.001+01:00

Plans A, B, C, D, E, F, G and H haven't worked.
Plan I is still up in the air.
If plan I doesn't work out then, (following a short depression) I'll have to move on to plan J.

Plan J being what would happen if Spleenal got super powers?
The superhero thing hasn't been reinvented now for nearly a week so it's well over due. :)

I have written and drawn absolutely nothing so far.
It's just an idea.

Respect

2011-10-16T22:08:00.002+01:00

Bath time

2011-10-14T22:42:00.000+01:00

Look here.
and Here.

Test

2011-10-14T15:04:00.002+01:00

This is a test. :)
You can see that moving can't you?

Mr D

2011-10-11T21:07:00.000+01:00

Schrodinger's subprime mortgage.

2011-10-04T23:44:00.000+01:00

So the economy’s screwed.

That’s because quantum economics doesn’t work…

Quantum mechanics and the “duel state”.

In 1935 physicist Erwin Schrödinger put forth a thought experiment to explain a quantum duel state:

A cat, along with a flask containing a poison and a radioactive source, is placed in a sealed box.If an internal Geiger counter detects radiation, the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat.

Quantum mechanics implies that after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when we look in the box, we see the cat either alive or dead.

It is only the observation of the cat that causes the collapse of all other possibilities.

What the hell is subprime?

wikipedia tells me that Subprime lending means making loans to people who may have difficulty repaying.

These loans have higher interest rates in order to compensate for higher credit risk.

(The poor pay more making it even more likely that they can't pay it back)

It was dealing in subprime loans and mortgages that led to the trouble we’re in now.

Subprime is one of those words that illicit no emotion.

It’s not one of those words you feel when you hear it.

Say it to yourself…”Subprime”…Meh? I feel nothing.

It’s easy to take the word to bits,

Sub: - under, less than, secondary

Prime: - good, best etc.

So subprime means less than best, or not good.

Subprime mortgage? Meh? Not good mortgage? Ah, now I’m feeling it.

So if everyone in all the money markets around the world called these things not good mortgages then maybe we wouldn’t be in the state we’re in.“Wanna buy a 1000 subprime Florida mortgages?” “Er? I’m not sure.”“Wanna buy a 1000 not good Florida mortgages?” “No thanks.”

But these things were bought and sold.

The banks would give anyone a mortgage without really asking if you could pay it back, then bundle that mortgage up with a bunch of other crappy mortgages and sell that debt on the market.

And then that would get sold on (for a profit) to someone else who might split it up and sell it, or bundle that up with a bunch of other crap and sell it on again (for a profit)

This works?

This does work as an economic model.

Buy and sell whatever you like. Sell it on for more. Pay more, mark it up again, collect a bonus, buy some more and sell again for even more and collect another bonus.

It works as long as you and everyone else never, ever look in the box.Then it stops being what it could have been and starts being what it is.

An IOU from someone who can’t pay.

It’s quantum economics.

According to the documentary at the bottom of this post someone in France opened one of these boxes.

I imagine it went a little like this...

It aint gone till its gone

2011-10-01T16:08:00.001+01:00

In the Forbidden Planet comic store in Manchester down stairs in the basement in indie press bit, on the shelf near the floor there's a copy of my first graphic novel "Gone".
Just sayin' is all.

Comment

2011-10-01T11:43:00.001+01:00

Trying to stop you crying since 2007 :)

Girl with the dragon tattoo

2011-09-23T23:24:00.001+01:00

Well, i'm going to try it at least

2011-09-22T00:17:00.001+01:00

Kof

2011-09-21T00:02:00.000+01:00

bath time

2011-09-13T22:44:00.000+01:00

Plan G

2011-09-08T21:35:00.001+01:00

That's super, that is

2011-08-25T23:04:00.001+01:00

Grumpy

2011-08-25T22:28:00.002+01:00

Feel the burn

2011-08-22T07:14:00.001+01:00

The void

2011-08-20T21:45:00.000+01:00

This is what you ask for 2

2011-08-19T22:58:00.004+01:00

Where you gonna run

2011-08-18T22:23:00.002+01:00

This is what you ask for

2011-08-18T22:18:00.003+01:00

Spleenal goes shopping

2011-08-14T11:42:00.002+01:00

Spleenal was thinking of upgrading but couldn't decide between a lap top or a tower. Or maybe he didn't need a new machine? Perhaps he just needed a proper clear out to an external hard drive and maybe a bit more memory?
The man in the shop was helpful...
"Just grab everything you can and sort it out at home later. Anything you don't need you can stick on the bay!"
Humm, it was then when it dawned on Spleenal that this wasn't late night shopping.
This wasn't late night shopping at all!
This was civil unrest!
The phones seemed to be going like hot cakes, did he need a new phone, but his Rio (A Blackberry rip off) seemed to do 8 things, 6 of which he couldn't make it do. To have a phone that would do 96 things, 94 of which he couldn't make it do seemed like a backwards step.
Ronnie was wrestling with his phone desire... "My head's well battered, guy! I can't tell the difference between want and need! Do I need this Fuckin' phone or what!?! It feels like need. It don't feel like want. What's wrong wit' me?"
"You get hammered all day with adverts and placements. They set about trying to make their ting a "must have" item, but what do you do if you ain't got the money? It's not like you can get your self in dept anymore! Bloody bankers!!!"
Spleenal picked up an external hard drive. Two terabytes should be enough shouldn't it?

"What are you looting for?" He asked a youth sorting his first goatee.

"Dude, that is a well complex question! The biggest problem I see is the lack of any social mobility in this country. You get me? People are gonna work hard and sacrifice and that, if they feel like they're workin' towards some fink, in it!
It's the pursuit of happiness!
Without social mobility there's no point in workin' is there? Where's it gonna get ya? This is the abandonment of the pursuit of happiness in favour of the pursuit of pleasure.
People don't fink there's gonna be a better tomorrow so fuck it. Lets have a better today, with sex and drugs and this stolen XBox"
Humm. Spleenal remembered sex and drugs.
"Of course," Continued the youth. "I lack the education to be properly aware of all this and my lack of schooling means I lack the eloquence to tell others how I feel, and to that matter tell my self!
I'm only aware of all this subconsciously though. Consciously I'm only aware of a feeling that tings is crap now and always will for me.
My parents never dun dis 'cause they thought if they worked hard they'd get somefink. That never happened for them, so when they had kids they never told me the same bullshit. Sure effort equals reward, but only sometimes."

"That's... er..." Spleenal faltered.
"Post modern in so far as it's knowing of it's self?" Asked the youth.
"Er yeah." Spleenal said. "So I've got a job, a house, an education. Why am I here?"
"That's easy." Said the youth. "You're an ass hole!"

"Oh, right." Said Spleenal.

Futurama just ripped me off!!!

2011-08-12T21:29:00.003+01:00

I've just finished watching Futurama and loved it as usual. Tonight's first episode was awesome because I wrote it!
Well Okay, I didn't write it. It just has the same plot as The day after the end of time. The super awesome time travel story what I did ages ago and features in my book! The link for it is right at the top of the blog there (the word "whump")

Bender, Fry and the professor end up in a time machine that only goes forward.
Spleenal's time machine breaks and only goes forward.

They go to a bunch of different futures...

One of them only got hot babes in it.
Spleenal goes there too.

They go to a future where all life is extinct.
Spleenal goes there too.

So they go right to the end of time.
As does spleenal

They end up going all the way back to the start of time
And on page 58 Spleenal sez "I must have gone so far i've ended going back round to the start!"

So did the Futurama writing team rip me off?
Naw course not. I just an idea. Then three years later they had the same one.

What it does mean is that I should be writing for Futurama.
If you've got Matt's number ring him and tell him to buy my book and then hire me!

The Lesbian train

2011-08-11T23:48:00.004+01:00

I've just re-read what I wrote under this originally and it goes on a bit so here's a shorted version...
Boo hoo! Whaaa! I use to make good stuff for a company that made fireplace surrounds. Boo hoo! Whaaa! But they kept screwing up my good work! Boo Hoo! Whaa! I'm a big baby! Boo hoo whaaa!

Breakdown recovery redux

2011-08-08T21:41:00.004+01:00

I was just coming over the bridge, traffic was heavy and I just started started to cry my eyes out. So I called breakdown recovery.
45 minutes later I was standing there at the road side explaining what happened.
My emergency therapist looked quizzically at me.
There was a long awkward silence "Aw crap!" I thought "More of that listening therapy bullshit. How hard is it to find a therapist with the balls to tell you why you're fucked up and how to sort that shit out!?!"
Then he spoke. "I, er, I fix cars mate. Not, er,.." He then pointed at my forehead and made little circles.

Suddenly everything became clear. I'd made up the emergency therapist service. The reason for the big hook on the back of the therapist's van was now obvious.

But the concept was now out there. The mechanic told his therapist and the need for such a service was apparent...

It was a year later when I was coming over the bridge in my piece of crap Clio and the thing just cut out on me. It wouldn't turn over or anything. It must have been an electrical problem.
I called breakdown recovery and 45 minutes later I was at the road side explaining what had happened.
"...It must be some sort of electrical problem." I finished.

The mechanic rubbed his beard, looked at the car then back at me and said "And how does that make you feel?"
"Well pretty pissed o..." It dawned on me half way though the word "off"
The mechanic had turned up in a Lexus, and was wearing a light grey suit.

The most successful player in this new landscape was Geoff, the guy I'd made the original mistake with. He knew nothing about therapy but he was fat and knew how to hug it out.
He ditched the overalls in favour of pink fluffy pyjamas with little rainbows on.

He'd turn up, fix your car, then ask if you were alright.
He'd then ask you if you needed a hug.
You'd say no. but then he'd put his arms out and say "Come on." and smile.

After a while you'd find yourself swinging by the depot on the way home for a quick emotional tune up.

What goes around comes around

2011-07-26T22:01:00.002+01:00

Sometimes the circle of life feels more like a downward spiral.

RIP Amy

2011-07-25T21:24:00.002+01:00

I was blown away by rehab. I actually remember where I was when I first heard it.
I was at work, it came on the radio. It was radio 2. Radcliffe was standing in for Steve Wright in the afternoon. There was no way to know when it had come from. It was radio 2 so it could have been new or it could have been 30 years old.
I couldn't tell.

Crawl

2011-07-20T14:09:00.002+01:00

Easy money

2011-07-19T22:28:00.002+01:00

Juicy

2011-07-08T23:44:00.002+01:00

news of the world phone hacking scandal cartoon

I'm looking for someone to look up to

2011-07-06T18:06:00.004+01:00

My politics are left of centre, so I see this guy (Tory Philip Davies mp) as one of the bad guys.

And who do I have to fight the bad guys? Well I got Labour! Here's their leader...

When I first saw this I thought it's a pretty good video chop job, but no this is real.
Here it is on the BBC News website.
Yikes!
Is this the state of British politics today? A bunch of assholes in charge with idiots going up against them? Or is it the other way round?

They're not all idiots, there is Tom Watson on the recent phone hacking revelations...

Awesome!
Ok, his voting record does show that he was for a lot of stuff I was against (For the Iraq war, against an investigation into the Iraq war, against a transparent Parliament, for introducing ID cards)
And there was his expenses thing... Arrrrgh! Come on! I'm looking for someone, anyone to look up to here!
Right. Screw it! I'm going to look up to Tom for those 3 minutes 19 seconds. (I watched it live from Parliament and his bit was actually more like 7 minutes, and he was great then at least)

Before I go to Philip Davies mp I say the minimum wage was set up as a minimum wage below which no one could be expected to live. It's the absolute bare minimum you need to survive. Disabled people need less to survive do they?

In times of slavery there was actually a cost to keeping a slave. You had to at least barely clothe your slave, feed them just enough, and keep some sort of roof over their head. Zip forward to now, if you pay a person only enough to barely clothe them selves, feed themselves just enough and keep some sort of roof over their head. Then the only real difference from slavery is that you're making them go get the stuff for you. It's slightly easier than owning a slave!

I'm going to say I don't want the disabled to become a slave caste in this country.

news of the world phone hacking scandal. disability, idiot politicians

The maze

2011-06-22T15:11:00.002+01:00

Time machine cartoon, stargate universe

The Magician

2011-06-21T23:42:00.002+01:00

The 8th and a half doctor

2011-06-21T07:15:00.006+01:00

If you're nerdy you might enjoy my Doctor Who strips over on my kid friendly blog
http://nigel-auchterlounie.blogspot.com/
How nerdy am I !?! it struck me one day, that no one ever saw the transformation from Paul McGann's doctor to Christopher Eccleston's doctor, so there could have been a Doctor in between! Then I was thinking, "Ooo, he could have been a bad Doctor. Like evil or something! and when he regenerated into Eccleston he wiped his memory because he couldn't live with the bad stuff he'd done. Which leaves things open for him to do battle with himself!!! (the current version). Surely this has to be the nerdiest post the net has ever seen!

This is not that bad Doctor I thought maybe he could have been funny too.What on Earth am I doing? The last of the trilogy of "the 8th and a half Doctor" strips is about old Baddie Scaroth from the four parter "City of Death" first aired in 1979! That's 32 years ago for gods sake!!! That's really current isn't it!?! I think she's right. I am my own worst enemy. It's meant to be for kids. It's Scaroth kids! Scaroth! He's back! Remember? No? Whatev's.

Doctor who comic strip

Sub text

2011-06-12T21:35:00.001+01:00

Cartoon on subtext

The new celebrities. Or epic fail.

2011-06-10T22:09:00.005+01:00

"Humf!"
"What's the matter with you, grumpy pants?" Spleenal's wife asked.
"Humm, well I wanted to do a comic strip on the 1997 Asian financial crisis..."

"Sounds hilarious." She stopped short mentioning how current the idea was.
"It was going to be like my seminal work on the cause of the the Iraq war!" Spleenal barked back. "But I can't now because Ryan Giggs had sex with Imogen Thomas!"

"Eh?" Spleenal's wife knew from experience that she was going to regret asking but couldn't help it. "How?"

"Right, well, back in 97 Thailand had this massive building boom/bubble thing that was fed by "hot money" from western investment banks, they built office blocks all over the place but no-one moved in so the whole thing crashed taking Malaysia, South Korea, Indonesia and a few other places with it." Spleenal drew breath then continued his monologue... "Bloody crazy banks again making high risk loans going mental treating the economy like a roulette table!!!"

"So all these construction companies and other industries are so screwed The IMF wade in to stop "financial contagion" crashing western economies."
"IMF? What? Tom Cruise and Ving Rhames, and that, sorted it all out did they?" Asked Spleenal's wife.
"Naw, not the impossible missions force. The IMF is the international monetary fund, something we all pay into. They Bailed out the Asian economies, but all the money just went to pay off the Western banks!"

"It was another Bailout!!! No hold on our bailout was the "another bailout". This was the first one! They went mental 10 years ago screwed it all up then got bailed out! There was one degree of separation but they still got the money back!"

"How does this relate to Ryan Giggs then?" Spleenal's wife was bored now.
"Well I'm not sure of my facts! I've had a good rake around the net and I can find plenty of articles saying it was western money, but nothing names names, I wanna know if it was the same bosses then and now was it the same banks or not or what!?! I don't know!"

"But I know Giggs was screwin' around! Oh yes I know that! I keep on getting told that don't I. Time and again, That a footballer had sex with a reality TV star! Big deal! I thought all footballers had sex with reality TV stars. How's that news? It's not courageous, crusading, injunction busting, truth seeking journalism it's bullshit!"

"It's all crap! Celebrities aren't news! News is who fucked up my economy? Did they do it before? What's their track record? are they still in charge? Maybe, maybe not, I dunno! I want a change. I want the new celebrities! Bankers and politicians. I wanna see their cars their houses. Shots taken with telescopic lenses of them on their yachts. Who are their mistresses? If you're gonna screw over millions for billions the least we can have is an up skirt shot of your wife getting out of your limo!"

Over 1000 people died in riots following the collapse of Indonesia's economy.
Half of Tory funds comes from "bankers"
That last link about Tory money is telling. Gordon Brown bailed out the banks, so they're thinking "Jesus! We really owe that guy, he saved our asses... we'd better get rid of him!"

Greedy Pigg 2011

2011-06-02T12:19:00.003+01:00

I draw stuff for the Dandy. One character that used to be in it before I existed was Greedy Pig. I've scanned in a couple of pages from the 1971 annual here and put my own words to it.
Click on pages for a closer look.
The original pages are there too.

More kings of O-mazing!

2011-05-25T13:27:00.001+01:00

Click these words for another kings of o-mazing

OMG I Finished it!

2011-05-13T19:54:00.002+01:00

Right, well, when I say finished, I mean finished drawing it. (Megg preview there at the top of the blog)
There's still a proper harsh amount of scanning and spell checkin' and colouring and that.
I feel a little like I've climbed a mountian, but now I've still got to get down off of the thing.

Spleenal Megg page 86

2011-05-09T22:47:00.002+01:00

This is one of the not funny pages.

The kings of O-mazing

2011-05-05T19:01:00.001+01:00

Comedy explained

2011-04-30T14:52:00.003+01:00

How to write comedy

Ah yeah!

2011-04-23T09:01:00.002+01:00

Topical

2011-04-18T17:18:00.001+01:00

Megg so far

2011-04-13T09:44:00.002+01:00

Aw yeah! This is a video of me maxing and relaxing on the bed (Yes that is a Cath Kidston duvet cover. Well spotted.) Flicking through my awesome book, Megg.

As you may notice, I'm drawing it on A4 landscape.
Yeah, I know whu?
It's simple really. For the last few months I've been working something like a 60 hour week in an effort to some day break even. So I've been keeping my stuff mobile.
A4 fits in my lego bag which means I can draw anywhere I get the chance. Like in the car or on the bus.
Which is why a while ago one of my incredibly insightful posts about politics degenerated into a rant about how crappy our roads are.

Also and as well look at the top of the blog above the title. The first twenty six pages in a preview type thing. Check that out 'cos you can flick through it a bit like a comic but on your computer telly!

Nice!

Thats Marc with a C Maron

2011-04-12T22:59:00.003+01:00

So I'm a big fan of Marc Maron's WTF podcast.
I was just listening to it and drew this, which has a line out of the Ed Helms interview.
I sent it to him saying "Show it on the podcast, just hold it up to the mic"
He mailed back saying "I would if you'd spelt my name right!"
On the version I sent him I'd spelt Marc with a K.
Awesome! Just pissed off one of my heroes!

Deadmau5 aw yeah!

2011-04-12T13:42:00.005+01:00

I try to keep work and this blog separate because, erm... dunno jus' do. But today I'm not.

At work you never really know what you're gonna get back from the Far East (samples). So when it's what you actually asked for it's nice.
It's double nice when something's a bit better than you asked for. On the deadmau5 figures I did, when I drew it out, I didn't think to ask for the eyes to be part of a separate bit and a slightly different white.
Check out the one with the bleeding mouth. I didn't think to ask for different whites but it works so much better.
Nice.

Here's a link to our Deadmau5 stuff or click on the pictures. And get on spottify ot youtube or something to check out raise your weapon from Deadmau5 (my favorite track, he waits till half way though to drop it! Such restraint!)

"Dropping your bombs now, on all we've built, how does it feel now to watch it burn, burn, burn?"

My process

2011-04-08T10:57:00.001+01:00

Video of "my process" here. Ok not really a process.
Just me drawing the Bogies for the Dandy.

Bloody dog barks half way though!

Nerdy girls are awesome

2011-04-07T17:27:00.001+01:00

nerd babe

What really happened in Trafalgar Square

2011-03-29T21:29:00.008+01:00

So one of the things I heard about the anti cuts protest in London was that the protesters staged a sit in in "the Queens grocers."
"Why would they do that" I thought. I'm not super keen on their being a royal family, but what's the point in that?
Well it seems that Fornum and Mason may be dodging tax to the tune of £40 million.
I don't know the full story, something about them not having to pay because they're so charitable? They give millions to schools, which is nice. £25 million to Oxford University for a start, because well we all know Oxford needs the cash and there's a £900000 donation to the Tories. No wait. That's not charitable. it's all a bit of a grey area. I don't really know what I'm talking about here so don't quote me. Have a look around the net yourself.

Anyway, all I heard from the media. Radio, TV and news papers was that there was an anti cuts protest in London and they smashed up the place.

All the reports though seemed to be pretty much The police said this, the police said that.
The only reporter who seemed to actually be there, actually in there was Laurie Penny from the New Statesman click those last words there or any of the cartoons to read the full article.

Here's some cartoons with clips from the article...

"We're fucked," says the young man in the hoodie, staring out through the police cordon of Trafalgar Square, towards parliament. "Who's going to listen to us now?"

Now, night is falling on the Trafalgar kettle, and the square stinks of cordite, emptied kidneys and anxiety. We've been here for three hours, and it's freezing; we burn placards and share cigarettes to maintain an illusion of warmth.

Commander Bob Broadhurst, who was in charge of the Metropolitan Police operation on the day, later states that the clashes in Trafalgar square began because "for some reason one of [the protestors] made an attack on the Olympic clock." That is not what happened. Instead, I witness the attempted snatch arrest of a 23 year-old man who they suspect of damaging the shop front of a major chain bank earlier in the day.

A clear-eyed young man called Martin throws himself between the kids and the cops, his hands raised, telling us all to calm down, stand firm,stop throwing things and link arms; the police grab him.

When UK Uncut's well-publicised secret occupation plan kicks into action at 3.30pm, the numbers and the energy quickly become overwhelming. As we follow the high-profile direct action group's red umbrella down Regent Street, we learn that the target is Fortnum and Mason's - the "Royal grocer's", as the news are now insisting on calling it, as though the stunt were a yobbish personal assault on the Queen's marmalade. The crowd is too big to stop, and protesters stream into the store, rushing past the police who are too late to barricade the doors.

Refined middle-aged couples who had been having quiet cream teas in Fortnum's downstairs restaurant stare blinkingly at the occupiers, who are organising themselves into a non-hierarchial consensus-building team. "I oppose the cuts, I'm a socialist, but I think this type of thing is too much," says property manager Kat, 32. "There are old ladies upstairs. And I just came in to buy some fresh marshmallows, and now I can't."

Back on the column, a boy in a black hoodie and facerag hollers through his hands to his friends, who have linked arms in front of the police line. "This is what they want!" he yells, pointing at the Houses of Parliament. "They want us to fight each other. They want us to fight each other!

“They're laughing all the way to the bank!"

Notes: I don't know if the 23 year-old man who they suspect of damaging the shop front of a major chain bank earlier in the day even had an Ipod, and I screwed up the Fortnum and Mason thing where the dude is complaining about marshmallows, That should have been a woman.

riots cartoon, protest cartoon, tax dodging cartoon

The cost of Anti cuts protest clean up.

2011-03-29T21:24:00.002+01:00

Anti cuts cartoon,

The day job

2011-03-29T16:40:00.002+01:00

As well as the work for the Dandy and the book for Blankslate I do have a full time job too.
If you can call it work when you get to do stuff like this...

I've done maybe 100 designs of this little guy. (Popular Dj Deadmau5)
Some have made real too!

More peeks at the thing I'm on with.

2011-03-12T22:50:00.001Z

Oh this is typical of this guy. When will he learn?

Ah, the big question.

I've been scanning!

2011-03-10T20:06:00.003Z

Yup. I'm about three quarters the way though Drawing Megg, so now begins the long boring job of scanning it in.
Here's some sneek peeks...

Here she is plugging in, getting jacked up.

This thing looks like a speaker on legs?

Er... This guy's got something to say.

More soon

I like rejection

2011-03-10T11:37:00.002Z

I like rejection.
Not as much as someone saying "This is great, we'll use it!"
But rejection's up there, because most of the time you just get nothing back, and you're wondering "Did they get it? Did it go straight into the spam bin? Did I attach the peg?"
Blah blah blah.

I just got rejected 20 minutes ago by mail, and here it is!

"The Ed says: Sorry not to use. Thanks for sending."

Awesome! That's all I need. Thanks Ed you're alright in my book!

So that's a no then?

2011-02-28T17:02:00.001Z

Still no word back from 2000ad about my Judge Smudge strip.
I'm just gonna take that as a no I think.

:(

.

Political math

2011-02-25T07:49:00.002Z

coalition cartoon, tory lib dem cartoon

The big idea

2011-02-21T21:49:00.004Z

In 1953 Operation Ajax seemed like a good idea.
A big plan. God knows the west needs oil almost as much as it needs Russia not to have it.
So if that can be done while fuckin' up the middle east well why not? It did lead to the creation of radical political Islamism but you can make an omelet without destroying countless lives can you?
Well it seemed like a good idea at the time...

They weren't to know what it would lead to. The thing they are playing in though (the world) is so complex there's no way to know what it will lead to.

Here in jolly old England in the 80's the Tory Thatcher government did the roads for prosperity thing...
In the 70's the roads were,.. well... crap. So Thatcher decided to fix them all, and build a bunch more (24,000 miles more) Traffic jams were to be a thing of the past. Great!
So Billions were spent smoothing out all roads everywhere and building excellent new ones... and a bunch of people died.
People found they could zip along these super smooth streets with a never before known ease, and that it you don't keep an eye on the speedometer you can break the speed limit having a whole load less feed back from the road.
So kids and old ladies got knocked down. Which led to traffic calming measures. Which is the ridiculous scenario where a very nice road has to have a bunch of crap all over it to slow people down.

Now that we've pissed billions away fighting a war on terror against people we created. (Money we could have done with when that banking thing happened) we're left with a huge roads system that we can't afford to repair.
Now we're back to crappy 70's style roads, but they're covered with traffic calming too. So it's worse than before!!!

Now the Tories have the big society. Another big idea. like so many more before. Humm. I've got a bad feeling about this.

The reward

2011-02-16T22:32:00.002Z

the reward isn't worth the effort

My acceptable face

2011-02-13T15:08:00.003Z

If you've ever seen my face, you'll know it's pretty unacceptable.
With that in mind, I've created another blog that's gonna be all kid friendly and acceptable and that.

http://nigel-auchterlounie.blogspot.com/

Once it's got a few examples of inoffensive work on it I'll probably just leave it alone. So, er, that.

Nice car

2011-02-05T14:53:00.003Z

bad driving cartoon,

Proper energy drink!

2011-01-30T20:55:00.001Z

When it first came out Cocaine was heralded as the new aspirin!?!

Luck

2011-01-26T11:25:00.002Z

Yipee! I'm doing it! I've got a publishing deal, and regular work off the Dandy!
I always wanted to draw for Nutty comic since I was 10.
Nutty comic doesn't exist anymore so Dandy is the next best thing.
So I'm living the dream, and "the dream" feels almost exactly the same as the life I had before the dream began.
I haven't had any sort of raise or cost of living increase at my normal job for a few years now, not because they're "baddies" but, well, you've seen the economy. You know it's in the toilet so it's awesome that I've got a job at all.
The extra cartooning work would have meant I was on easy street about 6 or 7 years back. Now it means that I can pay off the work on my f**kin' chimney! I honestly have no idea what the hell I would have done without that money... No still can't think of how that would have been sorted.

I'm lucky I guess.

So how do you get stuff like jobs in the Dandy and publishing things, or anything else?
Is it hard work?
Being really awesome?
Getting good grades at school?

No. I'm pretty sure some work harder than me. I'm sure there are people better at writing and drawing than me, and my grades were very, very average.

It's luck.
I was working for a company that had a toy range called the bogies, the Bosses sorted out an ad thing for them in a comic, but didn't want it to be just a lame ad and thought a comic strip in a comic would be better, they knew I could draw so asked me to give it a go. (I was hired to make exhibition stands and vac form tools).
Then when the Dandy did their fantastic re-vamp they knew I could do the biz and asked me to do more. Yes! But not really down to me. Lucky to be working for a company that had a new toy coming out, and lucky to be around when they needed me to do more.

And with the publishing thing I was doing this blog and posting my rejections too when someone left a comment saying that blank slate might like my stuff (I think it was Garen Ewing).
I hadn't heard of them, because they were new, and because they were new they were looking for new artists.Luck!

There's no justice. No reward for hard work, by that I mean the reward is not automatic, some are rewarded while other aren't. Random shit just happens.

On the other side of the luck thing...
They listen to your heart every now and again. Doctors I mean. I'm 39 and she seemed like a girl. I had an appointment at the hospital for a vasectomy. I wasn't there for that, just a check before they do. She listened. Smiled at me, and then listened again... Then went to get someone else to listen. A while later she came back with an older guy. The older guy listened. He was less smiley.
He looked back at her nodded and said "Yup." Then Back at me. "Sound like you've got a bit of a murmur there, so we're going to put you in for a heart scan, just to check it out."
"When will that be?" I asked, knowing the NHS it would be in about 3 to 6 months.
"We're going to do it now."

If the NHS does something straight away alarm bells ring.

Turns out I have Mitral valve prolapse? Instead of closing properly, the valve swings both ways like a saloon door letting "the bad blood" back up the wrong way... Or something.

Humm, right. When they told me, and when (two years later) they said it was worse and I'd need heart surgery (in a few years) It didn't go in properly.
I think I actually thought that it wasn't true because it wasn't fair. I already had my thing wrong with me. The palindromic arthritis. I can't have two things (3 if you count the being bald thing) wrong with me.

The world throws a lot of stuff at us. Half of it's luck and half of it's shit. It's just down to where you're standing what you get hit with, I guess.

Zero

2011-01-19T04:23:00.003Z

debt cartoon, overdraft cartoon

Nice

2011-01-14T03:02:00.003Z

Finishing a book is always nice.
Filling it all up with one thing is really nice. Really gives a guy a warm fuzzy feeling. This one is full of "Megg"
Nice.
Thanks Hergé Smith for the book.

I took these pic with the camera thing on the laptop, and it's doing it all backwards for some reason?

Anyway. Whatever.
So the book was a gift. I wouldn't buy myself a ring bound book just because the not bound option is cheaper, but it's really nice. The ring boundyness of it means it folds or flips back which keeps it all flat when scribbling away, And the flat thing is great when scanning. You don't need to squash the book down.

Another backwards picture of what I'm doing.

Like I said before, It's been penciled in for publication so, er, well that means I got nothin' for the blog. (Huge hole in your life, I know)
I'm blogging this now at 3:30am because my arthritis is being annoying.

Well anyway the last Spleenal book was drawn A4 using the watchmen style 3x3 9 panel grid.
This is being drawn on A4 but landscape so when you stick two together you get A3 portrait this gives me a 3x4 grid. More boxes on the finished page. More detail too, what with it being drawn bigger. It's taking longer, but...

Here's the thing, When I became a Dad it properly did my head in, and I didn't draw anything for more than five years.
So when I came out the other side and started drawing again I drew fast. Really fast. To catch up, or something. Stuff wasn't as well drawn as it could have been, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that I was doing something again.

I feel caught up now.

And I think the painkillers are starting to work. So I'm going back to bed.

Saving Ensign Ackbar

2011-01-07T23:40:00.001Z

admiral ackbar, starwars, saving private ryan mash up

Seasons whatever!

2010-12-22T12:10:00.002Z

Boxing day cartoon

Spleenal book 2!

2010-12-13T22:11:00.004Z

Aw yeah!
It seems that Spleenal the book will one day be Slpeenal book one.
So I'm happy! (best not try to write any comedy today then)
Those wonderful people at Blank slate books feel like making the same mistake twice.
This is a good news/bad news thing. The bad news being that there'll be no more parts to the Megg story.
Linky bit for start of Megg.
That's because that's mostly what the next book will be, and well the hope is that if you haven't read it here for free you'll have to buy the bloomin' thing. I know, I know. You would buy it, I'm talking about that other dude. Not you.

So this blog changes again I guess.
At the start it was because I'd given up. Jacked it in. Stopped trying.
If it was badly drawn I didn't care, scanned it anyway.
If the scan was all blurred and crappy, post it anyway.

Somewhere along the way it changed a few times and now it will be one of those blogs about how and why I'm doing this and that and not the thing it's self.
At least until Megg's finished.

Inception

2010-12-10T21:38:00.002Z

Click pic to fit to screen

Judge Smudge

2010-11-30T21:56:00.004Z

Click on the pages to make them bigger

Judge dredd spoof strip

Coffee?

2010-11-09T23:21:00.001Z

worlds best dad mug spoof

Not unlike comedy

2010-10-30T14:00:00.001+01:00

I have an interest in comedy.
I like funny. Like watching it, listening to it, and yes I do try to write and draw it whenever I can.
Such is my interest in comedy I have looked into how it works.
There's a few things that tend to work...

Someone Else's misfortune. This can be made funnier if it's something bad happening to someone you ether hate, or some one you identify with. (He's like me, but his life's crapper than mine, which means I'm winning, and that's funny.)
A surprising thing happening.
A shift in perception (I thought that stuff was this way, but it turns out stuffs not like that at all!)
A true thing that you didn't realize was true.
Repetition. Ha ha, that was funny, oh it happened again ha ha, Oh look it's going to happen again, no wait it's happened a different way! what a surprising thing to happen Ha ha ha!
Best laid plans turning to crap.

So it struck me as similar to comedy when just as I've been going on about how inside of 15 months I might be able to pay off the various overdrafts I've acquired a gust of wind sends a load of rubble down my chimney!

Humm.

Builders call it a "belly" when a wall relaxes or something and lets it all hang out. Look at the state of it! I can't believe it's some how still up!

Not unlike comedy. It just lacked good timing really...

Me standing in front of fire place punching the air."Ha Ha! I'm going to be free and clear yes! Suck on that huge debt!"
Crash!!!
"What the hell's all this crap?"
"It's going to cost me how much?.. Oh for crying out loud!"

So for the time being at least it's looking like I won't be much worse or better off.
"Ha ha! whoop yeah! No worse or better off! Yeah! stuff's the same! Whoop!"

Some where near the back

2010-10-13T14:06:00.001+01:00

Problem

2010-10-11T20:39:00.003+01:00

Humm, Not the strongest cartoon to return to blogging with, but that's the least of our problems.
The Dandy think I'm great (been talking to my Mum obviously) If I do extra stuff for them I stand a good chance of paying off my overdraft inside of 15 months!

I remember 11 years ago having almost £1100 pounds in the bank, and that felt really good. The most money I'd ever had in my life. I remember joking that I was a Thousandaire, you know like millionaire.
Sorry, no one laughed then either.

Anyway, my period of having a plus in the bank lasted a few months. Banks were different back then so once that had gone, it was easy peasy to sort out a £500 quid overdraft then bump it up to a grand a while later once that was all used up, then get another overdraft on the other account, then get the first overdraft bumped up to 15 hundred. After that why not get an overdraft on a third account?

You get how it goes.

All I ever had to do was go over my limit, i'd get charges of between £30 to £70 quid. I'd go in and they'd suggest that I bump it up another 500.

Now I stand a chance of getting all the way back to zero.
Zero doesn't sound like a huge number, but it is. It's enormous. I've been trying to "save up" no pounds for more than a decade now.

So posts here are going to be very infrequent I think from now on.

Way Too busy!

2010-09-24T09:31:00.001+01:00

I'm not too sure when I'll be able to post again.
I'm way too busy!
It a good thing though.
I'm being successful!

Megg part two

2010-09-17T18:47:00.010+01:00

Click for start