That's super, that is

Grumpy

Feel the burn

The void

This is what you ask for 2

Where you gonna run

This is what you ask for

Spleenal goes shopping

Spleenal was thinking of upgrading but couldn't decide between a lap top or a tower. Or maybe he didn't need a new machine? Perhaps he just needed a proper clear out to an external hard drive and maybe a bit more memory?
The man in the shop was helpful...
"Just grab everything you can and sort it out at home later. Anything you don't need you can stick on the bay!"
Humm, it was then when it dawned on Spleenal that this wasn't late night shopping.
This wasn't late night shopping at all!
This was civil unrest!
The phones seemed to be going like hot cakes, did he need a new phone, but his Rio (A Blackberry rip off) seemed to do 8 things, 6 of which he couldn't make it do. To have a phone that would do 96 things, 94 of which he couldn't make it do seemed like a backwards step.
Ronnie was wrestling with his phone desire... "My head's well battered, guy! I can't tell the difference between want and need! Do I need this Fuckin' phone or what!?! It feels like need. It don't feel like want. What's wrong wit' me?"
"You get hammered all day with adverts and placements. They set about trying to make their ting a "must have" item, but what do you do if you ain't got the money? It's not like you can get your self in dept anymore! Bloody bankers!!!"
Spleenal picked up an external hard drive. Two terabytes should be enough shouldn't it?

"What are you looting for?" He asked a youth sorting his first goatee.

"Dude, that is a well complex question! The biggest problem I see is the lack of any social mobility in this country. You get me? People are gonna work hard and sacrifice and that, if they feel like they're workin' towards some fink, in it!
It's the pursuit of happiness!
Without social mobility there's no point in workin' is there? Where's it gonna get ya? This is the abandonment of the pursuit of happiness in favour of the pursuit of pleasure.
People don't fink there's gonna be a better tomorrow so fuck it. Lets have a better today, with sex and drugs and this stolen XBox"
Humm. Spleenal remembered sex and drugs.
"Of course," Continued the youth. "I lack the education to be properly aware of all this and my lack of schooling means I lack the eloquence to tell others how I feel, and to that matter tell my self!
I'm only aware of all this subconsciously though. Consciously I'm only aware of a feeling that tings is crap now and always will for me.
My parents never dun dis 'cause they thought if they worked hard they'd get somefink. That never happened for them, so when they had kids they never told me the same bullshit. Sure effort equals reward, but only sometimes."



"That's... er..." Spleenal faltered.
"Post modern in so far as it's knowing of it's self?" Asked the youth.
"Er yeah." Spleenal said. "So I've got a job, a house, an education. Why am I here?"
"That's easy." Said the youth. "You're an ass hole!"


"Oh, right." Said Spleenal.

Futurama just ripped me off!!!

I've just finished watching Futurama and loved it as usual. Tonight's first episode was awesome because I wrote it!
Well Okay, I didn't write it. It just has the same plot as The day after the end of time. The super awesome time travel story what I did ages ago and features in my book!

Bender, Fry and the professor end up in a time machine that only goes forward.
Spleenal's time machine breaks and only goes forward.

They go to a bunch of different futures...

One of them only got hot babes in it.
Spleenal goes there too.

They go to a future where all life is extinct.
Spleenal goes there too.

So they go right to the end of time.
As does spleenal

They end up going all the way back to the start of time
And on page 58 Spleenal sez "I must have gone so far i've ended going back round to the start!"

So did the Futurama writing team rip me off?
Naw course not. I just an idea. Then three years later they had the same one.

What it does mean is that I should be writing for Futurama.
If you've got Matt's number ring him and tell him to buy my book and then hire me!

Breakdown recovery redux

I was just coming over the bridge, traffic was heavy and I just started started to cry my eyes out. So I called breakdown recovery.
45 minutes later I was standing there at the road side explaining what happened.
My emergency therapist looked quizzically at me.
There was a long awkward silence "Aw crap!" I thought "More of that listening therapy bullshit. How hard is it to find a therapist with the balls to tell you why you're fucked up and how to sort that shit out!?!"
Then he spoke. "I, er, I fix cars mate. Not, er,.." He then pointed at my forehead and made little circles.

Suddenly everything became clear. I'd made up the emergency therapist service. The reason for the big hook on the back of the therapist's van was now obvious.

But the concept was now out there. The mechanic told his therapist and the need for such a service was apparent...

It was a year later when I was coming over the bridge in my piece of crap Clio and the thing just cut out on me. It wouldn't turn over or anything. It must have been an electrical problem.
I called breakdown recovery and 45 minutes later I was at the road side explaining what had happened.
"...It must be some sort of electrical problem." I finished.

The mechanic rubbed his beard, looked at the car then back at me and said "And how does that make you feel?"
"Well pretty pissed o..." It dawned on me half way though the word "off"
The mechanic had turned up in a Lexus, and was wearing a light grey suit.

The most successful player in this new landscape was Geoff, the guy I'd made the original mistake with. He knew nothing about therapy but he was fat and knew how to hug it out.
He ditched the overalls in favour of pink fluffy pyjamas with little rainbows on.

He'd turn up, fix your car, then ask if you were alright.
He'd then ask you if you needed a hug.
You'd say no. but then he'd put his arms out and say "Come on." and smile.

After a while you'd find yourself swinging by the depot on the way home for a quick emotional tune up.