Twilight moon

And there she was in the doorway. Why? Why would she be drawn back to him now after what she saw the night before? Was it him? This power he had over her, was it more than love?

Was it in him? The power to draw her here from her place of safety? Could vampires do that?

So many questions. No one had ever said high school would be like this.

“You came back.” There he was. His pale skin. His dark eyes. It made sense now. He made sense. How a college senior could have such poise. Be so self assured.

“What I saw last night…” She faltered “You, er,.. you are a…”

“Vampire?” He said. She felt foolish even saying it, but the word from his lips sounded almost… normal. “Yes,” he said

“I am faster, stronger, more agile than any Olympian. I am eternal. I don’t age, don’t breathe, don’t eat. I have walked this earth now for some forty eight years, and I am a vampire.”

“Er sorry, what? 48!?!”

Off the rails

An Iraq Inquiry

Note:- This is all true to the best of my knowledge, save for two things. I don't know exactly what Curveball stole from Babel Television. Just that it was "Expensive equipment" and he probably didn't have a Volvo.

One other thing I don't know is if England knew that the German source and the American source were the same source. This is due to a weird thing called the "3rd party rule".

The bit about world war one is meant to illustrate that it's not the first time we've gone to war over oil. Not the first time we've lied about it, and not the first time the intelligence turned out to be a load of crap.

Sources...

The Guardian on Curveball

Germany told US that Curveball was unreliable before war

60 minutes on Curveball

Hour and a half on curveball and "intelligence" by the guy who wrote the book.
(important bit 35 minutes in he mentions the 3rd party rule)

Newsnight on why the intelligence was so wrong, and curveball

The Czech Repuplic (?) explain the 3rd party rule.

Why would Bush want to invade Iraq before 9 11?

Bush plans the war 3 months after 9 11

Berlin-baghdad railway

The naval race from coal to oil in the run up to WW1

Here, in the bit on the chronolgy of the orient express it says that the treaty of versailles has a clause requiring Austria to accept the Orient Express (stopping it going through Germany) The treaty its self was signed on an Orient express carriage.

Alan Moore knows the score.

There's a theory that everyone in the world is connected by only six degrees of separation.
That is to say you can connect anyone in the world to anyone else via a chain of a maximum of only six people.
Alan Moore and I are separated by only two degrees.
That is to say a friend of a friend met him once...

This friend of a friend got on a national express coach (cross country bus, cheaper, slower, less comfortable.) The only seat left was next to Alan Moore!
This was way back in the eighties and Alan was wearing his white suit.
White suit, shirt, tie, socks shoes.
"Are you Alan Moore?" Friend of friend asked.
"Yes." Answered Alan Moore.
"Can I have your autograph?" Asked friend of friend.
"Yes sure do you have a pen?"
"Er no."
"Do you have any paper?"
"Erm, no."
"Oh right... I guess you can't have an autograph then."

There then followed a three and a half hour awkward silence until he got off.


The thing everyone knows about Alan is that he hates the whole "comics into films" thing and refuses to take any money for them (the artist gets the cash) and he doesn't even go and see them.
Weird I know.
League of extra ordinary gentlemen wasn't super great, but V for vendetta was really good, and I thought watchmen was great.
They're different from the comics, and I wanted to see the squid at the end, but I can see why they changed it.

I know why he's got such a downer on the "comic into film" thing though. Have you seen Swampthing? Fuckin' hell!

I had all the collected issues from when Moore took over. Brilliant. The realisation that he wasn't human, never was. He was a plant that thought he used to be human. that there was no way back. No cure.

That came at the beginning. It started with that!

So I wanted to see the film. The poster looked just like the a comic cover. So when I realised that it was on late one night on BBC2, and that it was directed by Wes Craven! Well it turns out it's properly crap. I could go into why, but to be honest I can't, it's only been about 20 years since i seen it, and I'm still disappointed.

How the raspberry responsible is for every life ever lost in every war.

It’s 12000bc! And the human race has, up until now been no more than a bunch of hunter-gatherer tribes, following animal migration patters.

One man changes everything. Smag, son of stug invents agriculture.

Smag realises that if he takes the seed from a berry plant they like to eat, and plants that seed near one of the caves on the migration path then before long there is a similar plant growing right outside this cave growing the same berries.

He plants in large numbers.

He can stay in one place. No longer does he need to sleep in caves or under animal skins. He can build a house. The world’s first house.

At first Smag’s wife seems pleased, but it isn’t long before she starts to make comments about it being a bit dark inside. “What do you expect!?” Asks Smag. “Windows haven’t been invented!”

He is the first to lay claim to a piece of land, For the first time in history it is possible to own more than you can carry on your back. Smag’s wife likes this, but it isn’t long before she’s expressing a wish to own more. “Maybe if you were on more money.”

“I don’t think it’s been invented yet has it?!” Protested Smag.

All the same, it’s a good set up. So he is killed for it.

Blag has become the first human to kill for the ownership of a piece of land. He’s worried about someone doing the same to him, so he puts a fence up around his land. Blags bit of land is the first country.

This new way of life takes off and, everybody starts doing it. Starts owning more things than they can carry.

For the first time in history life expectancy drops, due to the stress of working in the field and protecting increasingly large areas of land.

The flatter bits of land made up from more soil and less rocks are better than the other bits of land. So the groups with crap land gang up on the groups with the nice land. Man's enemy becomes man.

It’s the dawn of war.

Thanks for that Smag son of stug.

Mars

Somethin'

Palindromic Arthritis

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I spent, like, ages stichin' these pic together. Then decided that it looks better when it's not fitting together properly. Go figure.

Bye bye Mr snow

Yes that's right it's raining here where I am. The snow's nearly all gone, and so these dudes no longer grace the front garden.

She's been thinking.

Spleenal’s wife put down her “now” magazine,looked up and to the side a little bit with one eye half closed and half a smile on her face.

Uh oh. She was thinking.

Spleenal was incredibly sexist, and that whole “women thinking” thing always made him uncomfortable.

“I’ve been thinking…” she said.

“Shit! I knew it!” thought Spleenal.

“This family needs a dog.” She continued.

“Humm, yeah a dog would be nice I guess, shame we can’t afford it, and I’m allergic anyway.”

That was it. Spleenal had laid it down. His word was law in his house. There’d be no more talk of this silly “dog” business.

“Yeah, but the kids really want one. I think we should get one.”

Eh? This didn’t make sense. He’d said no but that hadn’t been the end of it!?! This seemed a lot like more silly dog talk.

“What part of we cant afford it do you not understand?” Asked an increasingly red in the face Spleenal. “I had to spend all my birthday money on food so we didn’t get charged again for going over the over draft! If I can’t get a lift into work I have to take a days holiday because I can’t afford the bus fair!”

“This family won’t be complete until we have a dog.” It seemed as though shed made her mind up. Her arms were folded.

“I’m allergic you deranged bitch!” Spleenal seemed to have a hard time getting his point across. “A-L-E-R… erm A-L-L-E-R… Right, well it doesn’t matter how it’s spelt, just that I am it to them. End of!”

“The kids are really set on it. They really, really want one. How can you disappoint them?”

“Easy! Because we got no fuckin’ money, and I’m allergic!” There. That was it now. She knew exactly where she stood. “ And anyway, they’re kids, ‘course they want a dog. They want jetpacks and flamethrowers too. I’m not getting them those either.”

“I want a bichon frise.” She said with a big smile, and a far away dreamy look in her eye.

“What the fuck is a bichon frise!?!”

“You’ll love it. They’re meant to give out hardly any allergens.” She’d done research. How long had she’d been planning this?

“Hardly any? What about none?” Spat Spleenal.

“Urrgh no only poodle’s have none, and I don’t want one of them. And anyway I’ve already put a deposit on a bichon.” She confessed.

“What!?!” Shouted Spleenal. How had he allowed her to get so out of control?

“!!!” He said. “How much!?!?!?!?!”

“£200.” She answered.

“200 quid for a fuckin’ dog!?!? They’ve got ‘em for free down the pound!!!”

“No, £200 was the deposit.” She said “It’s 500 all in.”

“Blerch!” choked Spleenal. The last time he’d had a night out had been the works Christmas do, and due to lack of funds, the time before that had been the previous works do. If you say you can’t go out, because you can’t afford it for long enough, eventually people give up on you.

It looked a lot like the day when he had enough money to have a drink with a friend would still be a few years off.

They were getting a dog!

Comedy was bound to follow…

It's booked

We’re going to get our vows renewed. It’s all sorted. The church is booked, everyone’s invited, and when it come to the moment when he says “Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?” I’m just gonna say “No”

I think legally that’ll undo everything.

Should be quicker and cheaper than a divorce.

What are you doing Dave

viva la mexico

Mexico do comics good.

Love 'em and leave 'em